Rivet

[madametarot]

May 31, 2016 16:12:17 GMT 10 madametarot said:

May 31, 2016 15:51:28 GMT 10 Sediba said:

Who is saying what above. Something is wrong. Which is Rivet and which is SAJ?

signed: an anonymous puzzled reader.

SAJ is selling Rivet is buying it is supposed to stop not reading properly (spot reading or glossing over)  the reader has to do a bit of detective work work to follow the plot.  On the other hand, he said, she said, he said she said gets boring. Maybe I over did it.

Brenda has 10 days to make up her mind about the bike but she has to front up to work on Monday and get on with the job of putting her Tobacco Tail team in place. She could have taken a week of to get a breast enhancement, but maybe pinky and perky can wait awhile.

[Sediba]

Col, are you just flingin chapters in here willy nilly ... Who are Pinky and Perky?

signed: an anonymous puzzled reader

[madametarot]

Thanks Greg

I should have slipped and update in. This is a first draft and you are doing a good job as proof reader.

Terry Pratchett would have changed type faces for the activities of the three different characters.

The story update.
At this time on the time line only Rivet and Short Assed Johnson have met. They do not know Brenda and Rivet and SAJ are currently living out their own personal miseries but they have not unloaded on each other yet.

Rivet has found a retired limo in a car yard (very tired) but has not bought it yet.

Our 3 characters were all nearly at the same place at the same time but there is no troika yet.

Brenda is back on the job and Rivet has to get back to his mentor Spiderman. Short Ass has no plans beyond Saturday.

Meanwhile the chopper tobacco traders are getting more blaze.

[madametarot]

May 31, 2016 16:16:02 GMT 10 madametarot said:

May 31, 2016 16:12:17 GMT 10 madametarot said:

SAJ is selling Rivet is buying it is supposed to stop not reading properly (spot reading or glossing over)  the reader has to do a bit of detective work work to follow the plot.  On the other hand, he said, she said, he said she said gets boring. Maybe I over did it.

Brenda has 10 days to make up her mind about the bike but she has to front up to work on Monday and get on with the job of putting her Tobacco Tail team in place. She could have taken a week of to get a breast enhancement, but maybe pinky and perky can wait awhile.

Sorry Pinky and perky are colloquial names for attractive tits 

[Sediba]

Col ... Do what I do. Write it and put it away for two days.

I got a very short attention span and only a little brain, two days does it for me, you mite need longer. Then read it back, if you can't understand it at all then bin it. If you understand a tiny bit, then hey, correct the spelling, un-split a few split infinitives, shovel out the tautologies, get the participles in to participle order. And post.

There is only two or three of us gunna read it anyway. So anything positive is an up. heheee

So far you're high up on the Talented and Wacky, especially the wacky ... but the Erudite, maybe a little more attention.

[madametarot]

May 31, 2016 18:37:32 GMT 10 Sediba said:

Col ... Do what I do. Write it and put it away for two days.

I got a very short attention span and only a little brain, two days does it for me, you mite need longer. Then read it back, if you can't understand it at all then bin it. If you understand a tiny bit, then hey, correct the spelling, un-split a few split infinitives, shovel out the tautologies, get the participles in to participle order. And post.

There is only two or three of us gunna read it anyway. So anything positive is an up. heheee

So far you're high up on the Talented and Wacky, especially the wacky ... but the Erudite, maybe a little more attention.

Thanks Greg 

I know how to do it properly, it is a big job because this is not a short story.

But I am not prepared to put the effort in to do it properly so I probably should not do it at all.  I have been iffy from the start but I thought I might build some enthusiasm but it has not happened.

What I normally do is write the fly cover and if it does not enthuse me I scrap it but I had actually written this one previously.

[Sediba]

May 31, 2016 18:48:54 GMT 10 madametarot said:

Thanks Greg 

I know how to do it properly, it is a big job because this is not a short story. ... But I am not prepared to put the effort in to do it properly so

You 'allus' say that, 'allus'. You're just going too fast. Slow down and let each scene settle in. Think about it, live it. Write it. Then you won't get un-enthusiastic as quickly as you got enthusiastic. But when you go so fast you get tangled up in the plot you lose all your enthusiasm.

I'm writing a detective novel. It's 70% done. But my editor, an internet mate in London, put a hole in it. So it has taken me 4 months to solve that issue. Another 2 months, so far, to write the final chapters in my head. No word on paper. So then when I write it sorta flows, you know what's happening and you can communicate the story because you're confident.

It's working title is 'Sniper's Hill', a who-dunnit, and it takes place in Broken Hill. it's about 50k words and the remainder is mostly solved. 1 year. about 150 words a day. If you rush it it suffers and so does the reader.

My 2 c.

Greg

[cster]

So Brenda, SAJ and Rivet,
Tisk I'll just wait till tomorrow then

[madametarot]

Rivet was back at his waterhole and having a drink in Heartbreak Corner at the dunny end of the bar with his mentor Mousey aka spiderman. Mousey was aka spiderman because he liked the persistent spider that spun a new web every day over the dunny door.

"Didja go to the mad mile of used cars", asked Mousey.

"I did", replied Rivet. "And it was very interesting, I met this little midget bloke dressed as a, not sure what,trying to attract customers into a car yard,"

"A midget." said Mousey with surprise. "There are not many of them around anymore."


Rivet frowned, "Well he was a midget and he tried to sell me a battered limo."

"Did you buy it."

"No but it was interesting it had what looked like a hot air balloon in the boot."

It was Mouseys turn to frown and then he smiled. "What, you met a midget, who tried to sell you an old battered limo with a hot air balloon in the boot."

The conversation continued and Mousey could not get the picture out of his mind.

"Could you afford to buy it", asked Mousey.

Anyway the conversation continued and it got the better of Mousey who had claims of car mechanical experience and next Short Assed Johnson got a phone call on his mobbly phone and a deal was done for Mousey and Rivet to re-inspect the said limo.

After the obligatory kicking of tyres and revving the engine to see excess smoke and checking the radiator for signs of head gasket trouble Rivet and Mousey accompanied by Short Ass as the company rep went for a test drive. When they got out of sight they stopped for a closer look inside the boot.

They dragged the giant air bag thing out and finally figured out it was a "back-pack", a sort of tent thing that fitted over the open boot and while Rivet and Mousey held it in position without poles Short Assed unzipped the door and stepped inside for a look.

The boot of the limo held a slide-out camp kitchen and the tent thing/back-pack completed the camping capability of the converted old limo. But there were no beds only lay-back seats like you over-nighted in, in planes.

Rivet nearly peed himself with delight.

Short Ass wanted to get into the "on the wallaby" act but of course he always traveled free.

So the deal was done and the three of them went back to the pub and Mousey settled back into Heartbreak Corner happy that he had helped Rivet buy his travelling rig and it looked like he had a travelling mate.

Rivet and Short Assed schemed and swapped enthusiasm.

Meanwhile, Brenda was filling out forms at Centrelink, optimistically offering a low wage job for someone with tobacco expertise and a host of other attributes. But the clincher was willing to travel with own camp accommodation.

And that dear reader is how our three reluctant heroes came together.

Brenda was the boss and experienced under cover cop her employee was Rivet and Rivet's tag along friend was Short Assed Johnson. Rivet had his limo motorhome, Brenda had the undercover ute with a bed in the back, she took the payout for the bike she dropped and decided to buy another one with the insurance money after this Tobacco Job was completed.

Short assed was happy he could tag along and if it did not work out he could always get a free lift with a smile, everyone liked midgets or felt sorry for them and would give him a lift. And Short Assed was already a sleep anywhere expert and did not need a proper bed.

Brenda explained that it might not be a full weeks pay for Rivet every week until their investigation hotted up. And to get the scent of the Tobacco Trail then they may have to "knock on a lot of doors" and the tip-off was it was the traveling seasonal workers where they would find the tip of the Tobacco Trail iceberg.

Backpackers and fruit pickers were the key and they had to get to know as many as they could in the shortest possible time.

SAJ was going to be like a tag-along pet.







'

[madametarot]

Attachment Deleted    

This is a bit rough I might have another go later

[mipela]

Sorry Madametarot,
I can't absorb this stuff you've written, doesn't engage me at all.
Mipela

[madametarot]

Jun 12, 2016 6:14:06 GMT 10 mipela said:

Sorry Madametarot,
I can't absorb this stuff you've written, doesn't engage me at all.
Mipela

OK that is fine I will not write anymore.

I am busy setting up my my art swap site and I am catching up with artists from all over the world that got together on "Paintings I love" my gallery is still on PIL.  

There are 5 of us so far, and we are working on our swap galleries.  I am adding stuff to general in miniartswap and I am adding artists as friends on Facebook.

My internet time is hotting up.

[cster]

So? How is the Short Arsed Pat going??

[Stray Pup]

Mar 3, 2018 18:13:45 GMT 10 cster said:

So? How is the Short Arsed Pat going??

Who is Short-Arsed-Pat?

I thought it was SAJ (Short-Ass Johson who preferred to be called Jim) I'm sure Col's made a mistake there, surely it should be Johnson, not Joh'son. Mind you, when you got a Masters Degree in Journalism perhaps you can use Joh'son.

I must have missed the Chapter where Pat entered the story? So far I've got a Rivet, a Brenda Trivet, and an SAJ. Perhaps Pat's surname is Pivot? 

I'm trying to follow this story but I think it's written for those who have a Master's Degree in proofreading.

Signed: An Anonymous Reader

[Stray Pup]

By the way Col,

Do you mind if I transfer your thread on 'Writing Review David Baldacci - King and Maxwell' from the Poets-And-Bards section to the Erudite-&-Wacky-Writers section. It's a good review and book readers might overlook it in Poets-&-Bards.

The Admin Monkey

[madametarot]

Mar 3, 2018 19:15:04 GMT 10 Stray Pup said:

By the way Col,

Do you mind if I transfer your thread on 'Writing Review David Baldacci - King and Maxwell' from the Poets-And-Bards section to the Erudite-&-Wacky-Writers section. It's a good review and book readers might overlook it in Poets-&-Bards.

The Admin Monkey

That is fine by me.