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Rivet
May 28, 2016 7:14:45 GMT 10
Post by madametarot on May 28, 2016 7:14:45 GMT 10
Attachment DeletedAttachment DeletedRivet was called Rivet because as a young teen he was tall skinny and wore a broad brimmed hat and he looked like a birfurcated rivet. Bifurcate rivets are used in leather-work and they are pushed through a hole and have two legs that are split and bent over sort of like a split pin for leather. Anyway Rivet is not a teenager anymore, but he still likes to be called Rivet. Rivet had a work comfort zone as a sales rep with a car and a territory he was his own boss provided he brought in his quota of orders for cigarettes but then the unthinkable happened. Rivet got his DCM (don't come Monday or any other day). Rivet had been "redundentified". Rivet did not understand, sales were down but he had been adaptable and instead of just taking orders he sold fags direct out of the back of an unmarked van. Rivet thought he was doing a good job and more than paying his own way. Rivet had a little cough, said nothing and headed out the office door, it was Friday.
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Rivet
May 28, 2016 7:51:03 GMT 10
Post by madametarot on May 28, 2016 7:51:03 GMT 10
I wrote "Rivet" many years ago but the original was on paper and was lost in the 2011 Brisbane floods.
If anyone is interested in reading the Adventures of Rivet I will re-write it in here but only if someone wants to read it.
The Adventures of Rivet is certainly not the GAN (Great Australian Novel) and to make it more interesting I would like it to be interactive - sort of like a "happy hour" yarn where people butt in. My guess is AoR will change with the second telling/writing and it may vary from my original skeleton depending on the comments it receives.
I expect AoR will get off track and go up a few dry gullies, because unlike the Indian Pacific Railway, Rivet is his own man and he does not run on railway lines.
Cough!
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Rivet
May 28, 2016 11:35:00 GMT 10
Post by cster on May 28, 2016 11:35:00 GMT 10
The advantage of story tellers is, that they do tend to retell just off word for word, that in itself is in part the pleasure of the telling.
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Rivet
May 28, 2016 20:04:09 GMT 10
cster likes this
Post by madametarot on May 28, 2016 20:04:09 GMT 10
Thanks Cster I hope I do not disappoint.
Short-Ass Johson who preferred to be called Jim, sat on his back step overlooking the muddy water-course he preferred to call the River Jim. He called it the River Jim because when no one was around after the sun went down he would stand below his favorite tree and pee in the river Jim and he swore the volume increased by 10%.
After his satisfying peeing adventures Jim always found climbing the steps back up to the rear porch of the old Queenslander was a struggle because although he was 21yo, he was only 3 feet tall.
SAJ preferred to be called Jim and he also preferred his height when mentioned to be 900 mm and not a mere 3 feet.
SAJ, you could say was fed up.
SAJ was fed up with being Short-Ass Johnson and he was fed up with being 3 feet tall and fed up with living on benefits with no real money to spend. SAJ was even fed up with tilting his head sideways to try to see up under mini skirts.
Jim was one pissed off little person.
Rivet and Short-Assed Johnson had never met.
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Rivet
May 29, 2016 19:57:34 GMT 10
Post by Sediba on May 29, 2016 19:57:34 GMT 10
What happened when Short-Assed Jim met Rivet?
Or did they never meet ... like my father's tales?
Did the author use art wombat for his character sources?
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Rivet
May 29, 2016 21:03:13 GMT 10
Post by madametarot on May 29, 2016 21:03:13 GMT 10
What happened when Short-Assed Jim met Rivet? Or did they never meet ... like my father's tales? Did the author use art wombat for his character sources? Thanks Sediba I have to introduce another character yet. She sat like she often sat with her jeans stretched to the limit across her not unattractive backside that oriented her in a provocative way, or so it seemed to every male driver motoring behind her as she steered her BMW by leaning through the twisties. But their sustained attention could never be matched by their ability to keep up with her through the twisties. Her BMW did not hiss or roar it purred. Brenda tho was not in a good mood, she just found out that she had been dropped from the undercover drug squad and put into something called the "Tobacco Trail" whatever that was. She was told she could run the show anyway she liked, but the budget was peppercorn so she would have to be innovative to get results. Brenda was tossing this info around while belting along on the Beemer and she made a mistake, she should have been paying attention to the road, she was going much too fast for a corner with no camber, then she braked too hard, then had to hook it out of the first death wobble then straightened up and after slowing a lot she ran out of road and sprayed gravel then grass then she dropped it. Brenda was really pissed off now.
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Rivet
May 29, 2016 21:35:09 GMT 10
Post by madametarot on May 29, 2016 21:35:09 GMT 10
Brenda had gravel rash from, as they say, "ass-hole to breakfast time" and a she had ruined a pair of designer jeans and she had a shagged muffler and who knows what else, but the Beemer was ride-able, looking very sad, but ride-able.
Everyone has a friend and Brenda met her friend where they usually went, at McDonalds.
Her friend was never comforting, more critical then anything else and her friend listened to her woes. Brenda was very explicit when she was pissed off and the nice young McDonald girl asked her politely to move outside away from the family groups.
When they got outside Brenda unloaded big time.
"So you have no staff, but you can employ casual labour to help you do work, investigation work, for the feds, is that right?
"Something like that."
"And you have a peppercorn budget, yes?"
"Yes."
"Can I eat your fries, I think I have the key to your dilemma."
"You can eat, oh never mind, eat the fries."
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Rivet
May 29, 2016 22:00:11 GMT 10
Post by madametarot on May 29, 2016 22:00:11 GMT 10
The spider web looked like a gusset holding the beam in place above the doorway and the cracked tiles zig-zagging down the wall added to the illusion.
Mousey was keeping an eye on the spider as he sat in heartbreak corner at the end of the bar next to the door that had "ENS" written above it. Mousey always found something happening in heart break corner despite nothing much happening until Rivet turned up with his joke of the week.
Rivet had one new joke for every Friday but he had told it to every customer that week. His average day was about 12 tobacco retailers so he told the joke to those who liked his jokes and that would have been 9 jokes per day. So he repeated the same joke 9 times each day and 5 days per week and that rounds out at 50 times. Mousey got to hear Rivets 51 st rendition of his joke of the week.
"Come on don't just stand there like a stunned mullet,what's the joke?"
"Me!"
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Rivet
May 29, 2016 22:02:21 GMT 10
Post by madametarot on May 29, 2016 22:02:21 GMT 10
The spider web looked like a gusset holding the beam in place above the doorway and the cracked tiles zig-zagging down the wall added to the illusion.
Mousey was keeping an eye on the spider as he sat in heartbreak corner at the end of the bar next to the door that had "ENS" written above it. Mousey always found something happening in heart break corner despite nothing much happening until Rivet turned up with his joke of the week.
Rivet had one new joke for every Friday but he had told it to every customer that week. His average day was about 12 tobacco retailers so he told the joke to those who liked his jokes and that would have been 9 jokes per day. So he repeated the same joke 9 times each day and 5 days per week and that rounds out at 50 times. Mousey got to hear Rivets 51 st rendition of his joke of the week.
"Come on don't just stand there like a stunned mullet,what's the joke?"
"Me!"
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Rivet
May 30, 2016 7:55:51 GMT 10
Post by madametarot on May 30, 2016 7:55:51 GMT 10
SAJ had an advantage and he used it everyday.
He could thumb a lift anywhere anytime, drivers would stop and welcome him aboard and even go out of their way to drop him off somewhere. All he had to do was smile, no one was frightened of him, even young girl drivers loved to pick him up and most of them wanted a selfie before he left.
There are not many little people around anymore and SAJ was one cool dude that made someone's day - they all thought he was a happy little bloke sort of like a novelty pet rock.
"Where would you like to go"
"Anywhere."
"I am going into the city"
"Drop me off at the mad mile of used cars, I might buy one and drive it home."
So she did and he didn't, he could not even reach the pedals so he had no use for a car.
"Nice cars you have here mister, have you got any jobs for a little bloke."
The boss of the car yard wanted to look him up and down but could not see an "up" only a "down". "MMmmm maybe, what can you do."
"I can read and write and stand out the front and wave to get the people to come in and I can wash the bottom halves of cars."
"What is your name."
"Jim."
"You must have another name like a stage name or something."
"Nope, everybody just calls me Jim."
"Well Jim come back tomorrow, I will give you work for the day, but you will have to wear a uniform what size are you."
SAJ explained his sizing issue and his new boss measured him up with an office ruler.
SAJ was happy and his smile was real when he hitched a ride home.
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Rivet
May 30, 2016 19:20:11 GMT 10
Post by madametarot on May 30, 2016 19:20:11 GMT 10
The story so far
Our hero Rivet got the chop from his job as a sales rep and van salesman for a tobacco company.
Meanwhile, Short Ass Johnson, a 3 feet tall dwarf who is pissed off with his lot in life, got a one day job in a used car yard.
And Brenda, an undercover cop, has been moved sideways out of the drug squad and into something called the Tobacco Trail. She is to be the boss of her unit but the budget is so abysmal she has to use inexperienced part timers to help her with investigations.
Saturday it seems was going to be one hell of a day.
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Rivet
May 30, 2016 19:35:44 GMT 10
Post by Sediba on May 30, 2016 19:35:44 GMT 10
heheeeee
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Rivet
May 30, 2016 20:45:46 GMT 10
Post by madametarot on May 30, 2016 20:45:46 GMT 10
It was Friday arvo, the barfly at the Duke of Mustard Hotel, Mousey, was talking with Rivet.
"We all know you are a joke Rivet, but how did you find out."
"I got the sack today from the old "coffin nails" company, after 25 years of faithful service, I was not prepared for it and it was pink slip and out the door for me."
"Have you been to Centrelink."
"They listed me for unemployment and funnily enough they had no jobs for tobacco salesmen and I can't get benefits until my holidays and long service run out."
"What about a car and a house are you still paying rent."
"I have not had a car for years, I used the unmarked van for picking up groceries and stuff and I lost the house in my divorce and I have been in a house share for over a year and the others are driving me nuts, my life is a joke"
Mousey's eyes glazed over and he looked up at the spider and thought, "Mr Spider, you know, I am no better off than Rivet but we are happy, you and me, eh, Mr Spider."
Mousey shook his head and tried to be helpful.
"No job no wife, no house, no car, why not go on the wallaby"
"Go on the wallaby?"
"You know, buy a 4x4 and a caravan and head off around Oz, pick a bit of fruit and veg, clean some dunnies in the caravan parks, and all that sort of thing and of course you can still get the dole."
"Mmmm 4x4 are not cheap maybe I could get a big car or an old truck and an old van that would do me. Maybe they would sell me my old fag van, it had great security."
"If I were you I would go down the "mad mile of used cars" and get an idea of what is around, Tomorrow is Saturday and with all those balloons and bunting it would be like party time, it might cheer you up."
Rivet did not sleep well, he tossed and turned and turned and tossed all night - mad mile and wallaby kept popping up in his head and the house mates seemed to talking even louder in the kitchen.
Saturday was a big day for Brenda too, her Beemer damage quotes were in and the assessor said he would like to have a talk because there were options.
"Options," she thought. "Bloody options, the only option I want is to roll my life back 10 days."
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Rivet
May 30, 2016 22:15:08 GMT 10
Post by Sediba on May 30, 2016 22:15:08 GMT 10
Iz Brenda's maiden name Trivet?
Signed: an anonymous puzzled reader.
Greg
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Rivet
May 30, 2016 22:22:11 GMT 10
Post by madametarot on May 30, 2016 22:22:11 GMT 10
Short-assed Johnson slept in a cupboard for 2 hours per night then on the bed for 2 hours per night and finished his sleep on the floor in the corner. It was all part of a plan.
SAJ's plan was self sufficiency, or his version thereof, anyway. He had mastered the car problem he could go anywhere he wanted for the price of a smile. He even mastered his security problem - he carried his coins in a sock in his pocket and he practiced drawing it out like a six gun and swinging it like a helicopter/ceiling fan. No one would want his handful of two bobs worth at 100 RPM in their knee cap.
But why the weird sleep time capers.
When SAJ had perfected his sleeping around he could sleep around and avoid paying rent.
"Do you mind if I stay the night"
"We have not got a spare bed"
"That is OK I have been trained to sleep standing up in a cupboard"
"Sorry, all the cupboards are full."
"Gotcha, I can sleep in a corner on the floor."
"Why a corner"
"It is safer, no-one accidentally steps on me in a corner."
SAJs sleeping practice was over for the night, so he did his usuals, then smiled his way to the mad mile of used cars and things with motors.
Rivet bummed a lift to the mad mile.
Brenda used a taxi voucher to get to the mad mile.
SAJ went for his days work, Rivet went to cheer himself up and look at vehicles he could barely afford when he had a job.
Brenda went to see her motorcycle insurance rep. "to discuss options".
Saturday was gunner-be-big but not as big, dear reader, as you might think, Saturday was destined to be a near miss by one of our gang of three = there will be no threesomes this Saturday.
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Rivet
May 30, 2016 22:28:24 GMT 10
Post by madametarot on May 30, 2016 22:28:24 GMT 10
Iz Brenda's maiden name Trivet? Signed: an anonymous puzzled reader. Greg I can't tell you that Greg I don't want to blow her cover. BTW I hope I am getting enough hooks in the right places.
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Rivet
May 30, 2016 22:58:19 GMT 10
Post by Sediba on May 30, 2016 22:58:19 GMT 10
Well you should know that. When you pull the hook up are there any fish on it?
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Rivet
May 31, 2016 13:23:45 GMT 10
Post by madametarot on May 31, 2016 13:23:45 GMT 10
There was nothing uniform about the uniform that SAJ was aked to put on.
Happy Sam of used car fame had been to the costume shop to get SAJ a "uniform", but it was always going to be more of a entertainment costume than a pair of overalls. And, as expected, when the young lady wearing a maids costume/uniform was given SAJs measurements taken with an office ruler she said,"What, we have nothing to fit those sizes what's it for a monkey."
Eventually Sam agreed to pay for two costumes and the maid agreed to break up 3 costumes but they had to be ones she was unlikely to hire for the weekend.
SAJ really looked like a dead-set goose.
He had boots like Aladdin with curled up toes, geen tights with a big belt and a sword that dragged on the ground a frilly shirt a cravat and a crown instead of a hat.
"I am not wearing the boots or the crown and the sword is too long and it looks dangerous to me, I am supposed to attract customers no chase them away."
They compromised and SAJ wore everything except the sword and SAJ wanted more money.
Sam was quick to respond, "Of course, more money, why didn't I think of that, you can have an extra $200 if you can sell the big black car at the back."
SAJ had nothing better to do so they shook hands and the deal was done.
Traffic slowed and the drivers rubber necked but no one was coming into the yard, then ambling along the footpath came Rivet.
"Who are you supposed to be"
"I feel like a goose"
"Nah, more like a, like a, like a, goose is good."
"How is business."
"Slow, no takers, do you want to buy a car."
"Actually I am looking for something to tow a van, but I did not want to spend too much money."
"Follow me if you can keep up I have the buy of the century for you."
"It looks big enough but it is very shabby, what is it, it is big enough to be a truck."
"Dunno, it is a retired stretch limo- I think"
"Can I open the boot."
"Why not."
So they tried every key on the bunch until the found the boot key they opened the boot and to their surprise there was what looked like a hot air balloon without the basket.
It was not folded but sort of stuffed in like a big air bag ready for action.
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Rivet
May 31, 2016 13:39:04 GMT 10
Post by madametarot on May 31, 2016 13:39:04 GMT 10
Is anyone reading, there is no point in typing if no one is interested.
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Rivet
May 31, 2016 14:24:46 GMT 10
Post by cster on May 31, 2016 14:24:46 GMT 10
Hmmm I knew Brenda once, I'm gonna have trouble sleeping tonight I just know it. Bugger it tell us more about Brenda.
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Rivet
May 31, 2016 14:31:33 GMT 10
Post by cster on May 31, 2016 14:31:33 GMT 10
Art write it or don't write it. Till the forum picks up, we've only got a sporadic Sediba to read. It has to be you who want it out.
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Rivet
May 31, 2016 15:41:00 GMT 10
Post by madametarot on May 31, 2016 15:41:00 GMT 10
Thanks Cster
Brenda was an undercover cop and she had been a good one because she could be any one of a number of women, she played a role, like an actress. But the real Brenda was trimmed down and fit, ambitious, testy and capable of anything her characters needed. But that said, men always found her attractive, she neither walked nor floated, her movements tho were precise even tho she may have wandered into the wrong side of 40, or maybe not.
Brenda was a bit like Short Assed Johnson who traveled everywhere free because of his looks and his smile. Brenda tho on occasions would do more than just smile to get what she wanted.
As the cab pulled up at the office of "Insurance for Mugs" on the mad mile she was tossing up who she would be today, it had to be the hard nosed business women or the looking for love I will do anything if you do me a good deal.
She shook hands with the insurance man and the time had come, was it to be her weak sensitive hand shake or the firm business one.
She saw his unexpected wince as she crunched his hand in a vice like grip.
The insurance man explained that the options came about because the Beemer was old but in good condition before she dropped it and original genuine Beemer parts are expensive. So they could write it off and offer her a buy back deal and she could fix it herself with whatever parts she chose. Or they could repair it with non- original parts but there might be a surcharge depending on what the non original parts cost and of course there could be a delay.
Brenda had 10 days to make up her mind.
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Rivet
May 31, 2016 15:51:28 GMT 10
Post by Sediba on May 31, 2016 15:51:28 GMT 10
Traffic slowed and the drivers rubber necked but no one was coming into the yard, then ambling along the footpath came Rivet. 1 ... "Who are you supposed to be" 2 .. "I feel like a goose" 3 .. "Nah, more like a, like a, like a, goose is good." 4 .. "How is business." 5 .. "Slow, no takers, do you want to buy a car." 6 .. "Actually I am looking for something to tow a van, but I did not want to spend too much money." 7 .. "Follow me if you can keep up I have the buy of the century for you." Who is saying what above. Something is wrong. Which is Rivet and which is SAJ? signed: an anonymous puzzled reader.
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Rivet
May 31, 2016 16:00:22 GMT 10
Post by Sediba on May 31, 2016 16:00:22 GMT 10
because she could be any one of a number of women ... she neither walked nor floated, her movements tho were precise ... Brenda had 10 days to make up her mind Iz Brenda's maiden name Pivot? Signed: an anonymous puzzled reader. Greg
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Rivet
May 31, 2016 16:02:31 GMT 10
Post by madametarot on May 31, 2016 16:02:31 GMT 10
The compound held many vehicles and some were smashed up and others looked OK, they were all available to Brenda but she had to pay out of her budget for anything they needed to be roadworthy.
Of course the flash cars were all gone but she needed something that would not stand out and there were a couple of Hilux utes and only one was a diesel and they all had canopies and a similar Nissan and the Nissan was a diesel with a canopy with opening window.. She asked for the diesel that would be the cheapest to put on the road.
Brenda booked the Nissan in for the usual tracking, GPS and Truckie band radio and a bull bar with 2 aerials in case one got damaged (she had learned that trick) and a couple of the best spotties she could buy. And a back-up battery with a smart charger and emergency fresh water tanks and a bigger fuel tank.
Brenda had transport sorted for her team. The Nissan had only 2 seat belts but she could jamb in two passengers if they wore cowboy hats with the brims turned up at the sides.
Brenda was happy but the ute had a funny smell, it would either go away or she would get used to it.
But what was that smell.
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Rivet
May 31, 2016 16:05:17 GMT 10
Post by madametarot on May 31, 2016 16:05:17 GMT 10
because she could be any one of a number of women ... she neither walked nor floated, her movements tho were precise ... Brenda had 10 days to make up her mind Iz Brenda's maiden name Pivot? Signed: an anonymous puzzled reader. Greg Thanks Greg that is the bit where the reader has to become the detective it is a writers trick to stop gloss over reading.
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Rivet
May 31, 2016 16:06:48 GMT 10
Post by madametarot on May 31, 2016 16:06:48 GMT 10
OOps now I am confused I have quoted the wrong post - I am not sure how to get out of that.
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Rivet
May 31, 2016 16:08:22 GMT 10
Post by Sediba on May 31, 2016 16:08:22 GMT 10
The compound held many vehicles and some were smashed up and others looked OK, they were all available to Brenda but she had to pay out of her budget for anything they needed to be roadworthy. Of course the flash cars were all gone but she needed something that would not stand out and there were a couple of Hilux utes and only one was a diesel and they all had canopies and a similar Nissan and the Nissan was a diesel with a canopy with opening window.. She asked for the diesel that would be the cheapest to put on the road. Brenda booked the Nissan in for the usual tracking, GPS and Truckie band radio and a bull bar with 2 aerials in case one got damaged (she had learned that trick) and a couple of the best spotties she could buy. And a back-up battery with a smart charger and emergency fresh water tanks and a bigger fuel tank. Brenda had transport sorted for her team. The Nissan had only 2 seat belts but she could jamb in two passengers if they wore cowboy hats with the brims turned up at the sides. Brenda was happy but the ute had a funny smell, it would either go away or she would get used to it. But what was that smell. Good Grief? We left Brenda making up her mind whether to takes the cash or repair the bike. Wot's all this about. You've missed a chapter somewhere you blooper. What compound? Is she now with Rivet and Pivot or what? sigh ........ signed: an anonymous reader
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Rivet
May 31, 2016 16:12:17 GMT 10
Post by madametarot on May 31, 2016 16:12:17 GMT 10
Traffic slowed and the drivers rubber necked but no one was coming into the yard, then ambling along the footpath came Rivet. 1 ... "Who are you supposed to be" 2 .. "I feel like a goose" 3 .. "Nah, more like a, like a, like a, goose is good." 4 .. "How is business." 5 .. "Slow, no takers, do you want to buy a car." 6 .. "Actually I am looking for something to tow a van, but I did not want to spend too much money." 7 .. "Follow me if you can keep up I have the buy of the century for you." Who is saying what above. Something is wrong. Which is Rivet and which is SAJ? signed: an anonymous puzzled reader. SAJ is selling Rivet is buying it is supposed to stop not reading properly (spot reading or glossing over) the reader has to do a bit of detective work work to follow the plot. On the other hand, he said, she said, he said she said gets boring. Maybe I over did it.
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Rivet
May 31, 2016 16:15:37 GMT 10
Post by Sediba on May 31, 2016 16:15:37 GMT 10
Yes ... but they are not speaking in sequence. In particular hoo iz speaking number 2 and hoo iz spaeaking number 3. It's one thing to not give away too many clues, but it's another altogether to misrepresent.
Also, because you blew the cover by omitting the major meeting between Rivet, Trivet & Pivot ... just edit that post and put the correct chapter back in place then continue.
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